♥ Sunday, July 15, 2007
i am totally disappointed in you,
hah, what a joke.
i feel that we are just freaking normal frens.
why do i feel this way?
tell me, am i the only one .
it's so fucking "not right".
why on the earth am i feeling that you're abbandoning me,
when you said you'll be with me no matter what.
why dont i feel your presence anymore?
you're making me feel that we're drfting apart.
mayb we shud have understand each other more b4 we got tgt.
like kinda late for that since six mths plus have passed.
mayb we cud start on a whole new slate,
but i wun be able to do that.
only you, can have ever made me feel this way.
i never ever thought that i'll be so heartbroken even tho,
we have not parted.
isit just a hard patch ,
or isit an omen,
a bad sign.
i dont know.
know? i realised you have changed.
mayb me too, but who's to know.
you didnt used to be so uncaring,
didnt used to be so far,
didnt used to not contact me for so long.
didnt used to be so happy w/o me by your side.
is the novelty dying?
i am feeling so torn apart.
i worry day & night.
worry for you.
worry bout girls wanting to know you.
worry that girls or meeting up.
i always feel so insecure.
now i worry bout how you contact me.
who are you with i'll neh know.
different kind of scenes flooding thru my mind,
thinking too much,
no contact means cheating on,
i dont know anymore,
& you neh realise do you.
i was so hoping that you cud have stayed at home more often,
now that i cant contact you.
everyone used to say that we are inseparable.
why dont i hear that now?
you used to call me every short while to check on what im doing,
what now?
yaya, im so sure i've changed too.
to you i dont know if its better or worse,
to me, its for the better.
i've neh felt so lost wen i cant contact someone,
i've neh cried so often,
i was neh so afraid of losing someone,
was neh so willing to listen,
i had neh ever spent so much time with someone,
have neh ever thought of leaving you,
have always find most rls boring after a few weeks,
have neh felt such hurt inflicted,
you have never used to make me felt so alone,
i have neh felt so alone.
thru some of my rls,
i have had affairs,
but so what?
i dont even think bout having them since i was with you.
the defination of love used to be,
" having two boyfrens ."
now, my defination of love ,
" is having you. "
but i dont find the point of changing,
you neh realise ,
you might think that all these are what i have to do,
but no, i have never ever done all these in my whole freaking life.
i find such way of loving extremely " not melanie"
but what can i do?
i only am sure that i love you.
i used to be an extremely pampered,
spoilt, materialistic, bad tempered brat.
who loves to be treated like a princess.
and i swear, everyone treats me likethat.
i get whatever i want,
if i cant i bully my way into it.
they buy whatever i want,
everythg, but im not complaining.
i swear, i find such loving tiring.
but i am not willing to give up.
because, i've put in my everythg in this rls.
it's so hurtful when i realise,
our frenquency's just not the same.
but i still put in all my effort in it.
perhaps one day,
i'll get my sweet satisfaction.
no matter how much hurt,
how many quarrels have occured,
how much tears i have cried,
i still am not letting go.
please, make my love worthwhile baby.
i am deeply in love with you.
Fulin's Nana @ 7:10 PM
